Advice Lords 36, Wall of Weasel 35 Garoowe, Somalia “I
am amused by the simplicity of this game” was the only audible remark that came from Governor’s Cup winning
coach Rick Howell in the moments after his Advice Lords (12-3) hung on to defeat Wall of Weasel (8-7) by a single
point in the Governor Cup Grand Final before a crowd of about 200 disinterested onlookers in Garoowe on Sunday evening.
The Lords won with a balanced attack,
getting production from 7 of their 8 starters.With no one player making a difference, the MVP award for
the playoffs was shelved for this year.
Howell was informed of his championship
via video phone link from an unspecified location in international waters, after the Lords coach was taken hostage by Somali
pirates earlier in the week.It is the franchise’s second championship, having won the title previously
in 2006, and Howell becomes the fifth coach to win the title more than once.
Besides the chaotic situation involving
their coach, several situations arose during the post game.Inside the Lords locker room, the post game
banter was more confrontational than celebratory, as players started bickering who should accept the Cup during the presentation
ceremony, who was more valuable to the team, who should be keeper eligible, and how big a jerk Howell really was.It continued when QB Ryan Fitzpatrick demanded a share of the playoff winnings.
Fitzpatrick was officially a member
of the Advice Lords for exactly 6 minutes on Christmas Eve, before being dropped in favor of Chad Henne.Fitzpatrick
was taken in for questioning regarding Howell's disappearence.
After most of the security staff
left, members of the Rahanweyn Resistance Army lead by Somali Warlord Colonel
Hasan Muhammad Nur Shatigadud stormed the podium and
grabbed the Governor’s Cup firing only a single shot, which struck Cup presenter Terry Bradshaw, killing him instantly,
much to the delight of everyone in attendance.
Cosa Nostra
44, Threat Level Orange 39LORAN Base, Jan Mayen Island In what’s being called a mild upset, Cosa Nostra (9-7) held on to
defeat bitter rivals Threat Level Orange (8-8) to win the Vanier Cup before a crowd of exactly zero, as no one
bothered to venture out into the sub zero temperatures.
The win for the Cosa’s is only
their second Vanier Cup triumph in 6 tries, and their first win since 1992.For the Orange, the loss puts the finishing touches on one
of the most historic collapses in Fantasy history. Neither coach Troy Erhman nor his new agent Bus Cook spoke to the media
afterwards, due to their pending litigation towards the editors of this publication.
Football historians have been trying
to recall a similar breakdown, and could only come up with the 1988 or 89 Colorado Cuisine of the old MDIFFL as something
remotely similair.Cuisine coach Jim Strempke claims no such disintegration ever occurred.
Grizzled Gerbils 33, Cheeseheads from Hell 25 Schaan, Lichtenstein- Part of the reason I gave
up writing weekly game recaps was so I wouldn’t have to attempt to craft something witty for every contest - particularlywhen there was nothing remotely interesting about a given game.I gave you exhibit “A”
right here. This is the third Consolation Bracket crown for the Gerbils, having also won in both 2002 and 2003.
